Friday, November 23, 2007
have been pondering over weeks if i should blog this, but my final decision is YES because this is my blog, im authorised to blog how i feel and what i think...
hmm.. it's not been good for me recently. i duno why it turns out to be in such an ugly situation. i truely understand human beings are a complex organism. the ppl who knows to deal with human beings will really know the art of living because human beings are so dynamic.
one is behaved in such a way and now the other one is also turn out to be like that. is this a trend?? oh well, i really totally have no idea over it!! if being my friend is so dreadful and horrible, pls open ur damn mouth and tell me straight in my face that "wang juanmei!! i dont wish to be ur friend, pls treat me as transparent whenever you see me and a stranger wherever you bump into me!!" let me tell u the answer now. i will do so as ur wish!! pls dun keep quiet and pretend as if nothing had happened because obviously something had happened!! i just dun like excuses like : "aiya, i dun have that intention.. im afraid.. i dun dare.. i also duno lah... you behave like that so i also like that lor.. and blah blah.." i believed i had tried my best to initiate the conversation and finding out what the hell is going on. you people just turned me off! if this is the way you want it to be, so be it! i guess we are old enough to handle and not to be in such a situation now. i think is totally childish, i agree that one has the right to choose own preferences but cant we just talk it out and get the damn issue resolved. i HATE silence!
i know there will be ppl out there clapping their hands after reading this. pls feel free to do so as long as dun let me see or show ur this ugly face to me and i will be more than contented with already. if you think that im kicking fuss over such a small matter, or think that im thinking too much, or im over sensitive, or must be my fault so to have this, or why cant i just tolerate and pretend nothing happened just like others so everyone will stay happily. then i think you really dont know my anger and frustration.
to those ppl who bad-mouthed or bitch behind my back, dont worry, i will not curse and swear that you will what and what, i only pray that pls dun let me see or show ur ugly faces infront of me and i will be happy.
so many things are happening around me lately. im really tired and i have to keep it to myself and yet i have to deal with 'kindergarden' issue. sigh. i cried on the way back. i cant help it. i think it is a super harmless way to release my frustration and anger. i have tried my best to control my tears and even walked home cos i dont wish my parents to see my swollen eyes and start questioning. but i cried in my room again so i cant go to bed now, i dont want to wake up with swollen eyes tml. it's so not worth it.
maybe if anyone out there knows anything, feel free to tell me. im okay to accept any constructive feedbacks because i know there will be ppl out there know alot of things but just keeping quiet.
im not anti-social, im not leaving for any other commitments. im just too sian by all these. i lost my drive and enthu for other things by all these too. how pathetic!! i just want to stay at home, a harmless place for me to rest, relax and rot for the moment.
the end line is that i am what i am, i will still continue to carry on what im suppose to fulfill in my life. life is always brighter if you look at the other side. i am an optimist. =))
i think i have to thank blogger for letting me vent my frustration and pen down some of my thoughts. to ppl whom may concern: if you feel sian or unhappy after reading the entry, my apology. pls just ignored, pretend nth has happened and continue with ur happy life.
P.S: thank you Ref for always being there for me to grumble, complain here and there and vent my little bit of anger on you and some of ur nonsense(haha). i know you always treat me like your dearest. im really glad to have you ard.. love ya..
the genius killed @ 1:10 AM
